Jeremy McWilliams
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Barry: [00:00:00] Welcome to the show. Jeremy McWilliams. Jeremy is a green beret and help build and develop the curriculum for the green beret program.
What I love about Jeremy is he does not speak in theory, but through real practical boots on the ground experience. He is a husband, father, Business owner and man of God. He currently serves as head coach at rise up Kings, a program founded by Skylar Lewis. He helps entrepreneurs and business owners to level up in the four pillars of faith, family, fitness, and finance.
And he himself is a four pillar man. Welcome to the show. Jeremy.
Hey, thanks, Barry. So Jeremy, you know, um, just open and honest, I went through the program and it, it is nothing short of life changing. And I think a lot of listeners know me pretty well, and I don't say that a lot about things, but what we went through and experience and that you led was [00:01:00] life changing.
Where did you, you know, talk about where you got your start and your passion for this and where you are
Jeremy: today. Sure. Yeah. I should clear up a little bit about your intro though. So I didn't write any of the curriculum for becoming a green Bray. I served as a cadre and so I helped train, men who would one day become green berets.
And so, yeah, I just, I put that all. Yeah. I participated in the process. Um, but yeah, writing the, writing the curriculum there as far above my pay grade, but good. I did get to participate in some way. Um, yeah. And so how I came to be with rise up Kings is, kind of an interesting backstory. It's a, it's, a friend of mine from Washington state.
So I, I was in, I was in the 82nd Airborne when I first joined the army. I joined the army after nine 11. I was in college at Auburn university getting a degree in theology. 9 11 happens like on my way to class on the morning of September 11, 2001 nukes, my whole world,man, I ended up changing my major so I could, I didn't have to learn ancient Greek.
I was, I was [00:02:00] learning Greek at the time and, and it was like really whooping my butt. So in order to actually get out of college on time, I changed my major so I could actually graduate and finish and then, um. And then, so I finished in the winter, ended up joining the army, joined the 82nd as a parachute infantryman, did my first deployment, got to work alongside some, some special operations guys in, in some capacity there.
And so it, it opened my eyes to this whole world. So then I went to selection when I got back from that deployment. and then went through two and a half years of the special forces qualification pipeline.
I had to learn to speak Mandarin Chinese, became an expert in unconventional warfare and demolitions and, and then went to work at first special forces group in Washington state, on what they call an operational detachment alpha and ODA, the team of 12 green berets. So went to work there. and.
Always wanted to get into business, end up meeting my wife in the Seattle area. We get [00:03:00] married 2010. I get injured in such a way that kind of prevents me from continuing in that job. And so 2012, we exit active duty and I go into the national guard in Washington state. And that's where I take a role training as a cadre sort of training men who would become green berets.
At the same time, we launched into business. And so my wife and I decided we wanted to be business owners without any context for what it means to be a business owner. Yeah. And, And we did, man, we watched every YouTube video we could get our hands on and we just dove into that world. And, as a process of doing that, we started before we knew to call it a mastermind, um, myself and three friends started a mastermind group.
We met for four hours each week in the. Office above my garage. And so, one of those men is, his name is John town and John town attended rise up Kings when it was back in California. And then at one of the rock con events that we put on, he was talking with Skylar. [00:04:00] Skylar mentioned that he was going to need someone in a drill instructor role for.
Yeah. And, it's like, well, I'd like someone has some business experience, can speak and has a military experience, ideally. And my buddy, John Towns, like, Oh my God, do I know a guy that is fantastic. John put us in contact Skylar and I, and we had our first call. My family has five values, faith, family, fitness, finance, and fun.
Oh wow. And Skylar was telling me about the four pillars. And so I just started laughing on the phone call. He flew me out to. And then, man, I fully drank the Kool Aid.
Barry: You know, there's a lot of, of things that you and I have, I think in common and just the paths that we've taken, um, one, I was talking about getting medevac to launch tool when you, and you said you did, and you're like, Oh, when?
I'm like, well, way back before all of that. And so I remember I had gotten out of the Marine corps a couple of years out. Met my now wife We dated it for a little bit. silly thing, I [00:05:00] promised a buddy of mine that we were gonna move to Tampa,
, and then because I made that promise, I was like, Hey, I'm, I'm, I'm going. And so I left and, um, we stayed in touch a little bit, but we lost contact a little bit. And then nine 11 happened and, and we both, the first, like one of the first people we thought of us was, was each other. And Oh man, that's cool.
And, and I tried to go back in and they were like, you can't come back in . Right. You were medically discharged and. I don't know, you know, life has its funny things. Right. And so I had just gotten out and I'm like, all right, let's go back. I mean, I'm, I'm good. So I'm glad that it, you know, it happens for you, not to you.
Right. And so I'm glad for people like you that, that stepped in the gap, man, and, and just did their thing. So you started a business, you and your wife, what business was that?
Jeremy: Well, so we actually bought a business. So we didn't literally, we knew nothing like good. I mean, we knew not, we just knew [00:06:00] like.
We were naive, like, Hey, we want to be business owners. . That's good. Having no context for what it means to be a business owner. Like our parents weren't business owners. Mm-hmm. We didn't like, it wasn't like we had some we could see into by, and we knew we wanted that thing. None of that we just Yeah.
Decided. And so we called every business broker in the Seattle area. Only one fella answered the phone. Wow. And, yeah. And, and he. Basically pitched me this, he sent me a couple of different ideas and none of them are really working out. And he pitched me this idea of this one business and he kept sending it to, to me and he said, you really need to take a look at this.
So he sent me the financials. Well, like I don't know how to read a profit and loss and a balance sheet. I have no idea what these things mean. So I go to YouTube. Yeah. Honest to goodness. I go to YouTube and I deep dive into what a PNL is, how to read that thing, what the implications are, what a balance sheet means, what the implications are.
And thank God for all that, those, that just army of nerds that [00:07:00] upload videos for free. Somewhere out there in the ether, there's just this. Army of nerds, just uploading video about all manner of, of things. And so I literally learned about business financials from watching hours and hours and hours of YouTube tutorials that were free online.
Wow. And so that is awesome. Yeah. So I, I, he, this business broker sent me the financials for this business. It was a nanny agency and I like. So you've met me now, like what part of me screams to you, like, Hey, that guy should watch my kids. No, like that guy should not be within 500 feet of a school is yeah.
I wouldn't let you
Barry: lead my fire team, but I have two kids that now my son has 18. Like you can have him, but
Jeremy: no, your, your infant child home alone in your home. No, I'm not that guy. Okay. So. So he [00:08:00] keeps, he keeps sending me these financials. And so I'm taking all the information that I've been synthesizing through watching these YouTube videos.
And I'm like, you know, I feel like Matt Damon in Goodwill hunting, right? I've got all these papers everywhere and I'm drawing all these. Equations and junk all over the place. And so, and I basically get down to it and I, I work out now I understand what is like debt service and I'm working out all these expenses of what I can anticipate are going to be and the, the likely revenue.
So I'm looking at like cashflow analysis. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just trying to make sense of it in my brain. And I get down to the bottom and there's money left over. And I was like, okay, well. My wife's name is Bethany. I call her B like, Hey B, um, I've done all the math or everything I can think of, like there's money left.
Like, so then that money that like the, the number here that could be our money then, right. Is that what you're seeing? And we're like, well, we think, and so [00:09:00] we, we'd make the dumbest decisions ever and we, we put half down in cash to buy this business. We sell, like we own both our cars, have a little bit of money in savings.
We hawk both our cars back to the bank. So we take a note on both our cars, the cash. We take almost every dollar out of our, like every cash dollar we've saved. And we throw it all. So we have like, we have very little money. Like actual cash dollars left, you know, our name, you have a cashflow issue. Oh yeah.
Yeah. So what I hadn't factored is the, is, is the, the delay in billing and actually receiving the accounts receivable. Right. So that's an area where my math hadn't had messed up. And so we had this two week delay where we had like 20 some odd nannies that needed to get paid and there was no money. to pay them.
[00:10:00] Yeah. And in, just a, in one of those God moments, something came through that had been waiting for us personally. So some, something that occurred for us personally, we had been waiting for this payment to come. It came like really literally at that moment, we were able to pay the nannies bridge the gap.
Then we had our accounts receivable hit and now we're back on top of the snowball and we're the ones that took the hit, you know, and which we were fine with. And so then we were able to continue to cash flow and we built that business from 24. Caregivers and one full time administrator and we built it in about a year or so we went to we were in three major metropolitan markets with about with 102 female caregivers, eight full time administrators in three major metropolitan markets.
Good for you.
Barry: I love that story. So, so everybody listening, I want you to just pause. And that helped so many people because you, you are a guy [00:11:00] who obviously is very accomplished. You have a lot of, you meet you for. You 10 seconds, you know, you're very confident, but you can be over confidence and have all this success in the past and then make decisions because you think you understand.
Right. But you're like, Oh my gosh, I didn't understand this cashflow thing. Easy for me to say now that I'm 47 sitting here, but I was talking about parallels, my mentor, the guy who mentors me today, he's been on the podcast before names, Dan Gilley. He's from Seattle, Washington. And. He kept me from all of what you just said by mentoring me through work.
And so I would have been the same guy and I've tried to make dumb decisions to, my wife has put, put the kibosh on at least 2. 5 million worth of debt that I would have taken out because left to my own vices. I'm very confident. [00:12:00] Yeah,
Jeremy: so good. But there's also this notion of rushing to failure, right? Oh yeah.
Go ahead. Just something we hear in the military a lot. And that's where, like, in my age now has come some wisdom, and so I see it more now where I'm not going to, I'm not going to feel compelled to rush to failure, but something else that also has brought up for me is that now in a role of a coach or in the role of a mentor.
I don't ever tell someone what they should do or shouldn't do when it's, when it gets down to actions. Now I would say, I would say something like, Hey, you absolutely need to know your numbers. You need to know your sales conversion rate. You need to know you're like, you need to, you absolutely need to know how many leads you get each month that convert into actual sales.
That's a leading indicator. If one of your KPIs, we absolutely have to know that number. So I'm going to tell you that, but what I won't say is, oh, you definitely shouldn't take out that loan or you shouldn't do this in that way. I won't say that because if someone had [00:13:00] told me I shouldn't have done that, um, the problem is that act literally changed the trajectory of my life.
Like that, that single, that act done out of a, out of good, honest, earnest effort and research act done with like. With a, a willingness to go all in and burn the boats that, that act, um, was ill advised, however, it worked. And so I catch myself often having to, like, I have to remind myself, you know, you don't get to tell, like, I don't know what their on call nanny is, you know, this business name was on call nanny.
Yeah. I don't know what their on call nanny is. And so I'm just not, I'm not going to take that role of telling people what they should and shouldn't do because this act that was straight up dumb, like this, there could not have been a dumber way of structuring this deal when we got into this thing, but it [00:14:00] worked for us.
And. It could have been easier for sure, but that dumb deal literally changed the trajectory of my life and the trajectory of my children's lives and my one day grandchildren's life. It is, when I say change the trajectory, I mean, literally I was walking down this path and now I'm on a different path towards something different.
And it was because of this dumb decision. Yeah.
Barry: The You know, we, I'm an EOS implementer. We call ourself teacher, facilitator, and coach, but we're not as consultants. Consultants tell people what they should do. They know about something. I used to be, I started this company teaching sales to automotive repair.
businesses. And in that capacity, I would act as a consultant a lot and which teaching the sales worked, but then I would get into what they should do in [00:15:00] automotive repair. And since I have stopped that, I still have some of the clients that I had back then they do infinitely better because I don't ever tell them what to do.
In my, you know, genius, what I'm like, that's just all just hubris. Yeah. Yeah. Yesterday I was with a client and they're going to do 35 million this year. And when they started with me three years ago, they weren't doing that. And, and I didn't know it until yesterday, but they were headed down the wrong path.
Well, I sense cured my dysfunction of having to tell people what I think they should do. And so since being with them, I just teach them the system, ask them what they want to do and plug what they want to do into the system. And magically they have done this and it's not me. It's the system. I'm just the, the person bringing the system to people.
And my job is to ask questions and you say this, and I've picked it up since then. I picked up a few facilitation techniques from you. And one of them is like a, like, like a scientist watching [00:16:00] gorillas in the wild, right? With the caveat of asking the gorillas some
Jeremy: questions. Yeah, exactly. I like it.
Barry: Yeah.
It's good, man. I appreciate that.
Jeremy: Yeah. And I think that's, that's an interesting component, man. I think that's something I'm, I'm taking from, that's something I'm taking from this, right? The idea of a consultant is that you are hiring them. So they tell you what to do. But the notion of a coach is that man.
Like, cause how I see my role, like on an individual coaching side, there's coaching. I do for rock in the event, which is, which is different. it's more, I'm a facilitator at rock. Yeah. We call it a head coach, but we kind of take whatever comes and we take whatever bubbles up in guys in every class is different.
But in, in the role of an, of a sing, with a single coaching client, something that I, I, I notice is this. Do I want to help, I want to help extract data. And so I want to help you clarify all the data that's in front of you. And then now we get to ask like, Hey, so what, what should you do? [00:17:00] Maybe, maybe if you're trying to do this alone, you've missed data somewhere.
And with the addition of my mind to this thing, with all of my experiences as a unique individual, singular human being on the earth, looking at this problem, I can help compile the data too. We compile the data together. And then we get it, we get clear on what the data suggests and then you get to make decisions going forward, but I'm not, I'm not going to make your decisions for you.
I'm not gonna, um, I'm not even going to, I have to catch myself. Like, I want to be aware that I don't point people in the direction, like manipulate people into making a decision, right? Because. It's effectively detaching myself from the results. Yeah, one of the
Barry: things that people feel, you're, that is exactly right.
I think one of the things that people do is, is they ask questions to lead people to an answer. And all you're doing there is manipulating them. You should have just told them what you wanted them
Jeremy: to do. Right, [00:18:00] exactly. Instead
Barry: of asking these thought provoking questions. That get them to, you know, one of the things I'll tell you this way, one of the things I tell my son and other people is like, you know, get advice from other people, but make sure that your decision is a product of your own conclusion.
That's good. Yeah. Right. And so when I'm facilitating, it sounds like you're the same way. I'm asking them open ended questions that, that are thought provoking. I try to start them with how and what, and then with the question, and then, or I wonder, and I'm curious. That's too good leading for leaders.
You know, I wonder, Jeremy, what it would look like if this, I wonder if this were through or this. Right. And they just start going, oh yeah, I wonder too. And so it's, it's a really good like, just facilitation technique that I picked up from smart people. Um,
Jeremy: well we do that a lot at the refinery, right? We talk about this notion of curiosity a a lot, and it helps us, helps us look back [00:19:00] at ourselves in the context of ruck.
It's mostly about ourselves. We have a tendency to pick up shame in ourself and less so in our business, which I think is really interesting. Like if you notice like, Hey man, sales are dipping this month. What's going on? You can totally look at that. With it. I did it again. Why would you, you could totally look at it how you look at yourself.
But no, when we look at it in the business, it's like, Oh man, sales are dipping. What's going on there. And we go and we find a thing where it's. And then we, we adjust to make sure that sales come up again or whatever, get rid of that salesperson and we bring in a new, we, we address the issue. But so oftentimes with us as individuals, we take notice of where we fall in short or whatever.
And so often we pick up shame instead of getting curious as to what were the triggers involved here? What kind of state was I in when, when, when that. When that happened, when I did it, what is it, what is it deficient? What is it that is deficient in me that I'm trying to fill by acting in this manner or what, instead of getting curious, we just go straight to shame, [00:20:00] blame or guilt.
And then we just put on ourself this giant weight that stinks. And now we wonder like, well, I don't have any friends. Yeah. Cause you freaking stink. It's palpable. It's in the air. You're literally sticky with the, with the goop of your own shame.
Barry: Yeah, one of the things that's what you helped me discover was why, what's causing me to be a victim and I'm learning how to step back.
Now, look, I still get caught up into it because you know, you guys say it, you say it, you're going to go back home and you're going to be a changed person, but you still have to change your habits. And that is something that I've never been associated with a group like this that keeps me so involved.
That I do the things that I'm supposed to do every day out of accountability. Yesterday, it's been almost four weeks, I think was the first time I've missed a point. Wow. [00:21:00] And I said it out loud, man. Yeah, I said it out loud. I said, I am going to miss this point today because of this reason, and it was not an excuse.
It was just a reason I knew I was going to miss it, set it out loud, which helps me and I was okay to miss it. But yeah, I, I've been, I'm a very competitive person, which the, the system that you guys put in
Jeremy: supports that person. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's right in line with you fellas. Yeah. Yeah.
Barry: The, the most compelling, I tell people the most competitive people on planet earth are the people who say they're not competitive and I'm, and I'm thinking, well, you're awful competitive about not being competitive, but it, it just is this, this group of, of, of real men who hold each other accountable and through vulnerability.
And I've never seen that. Responsible vulnerability, yep. Yes, because I'll put that out on there, like, this is what I'm going through, gents. And they're like, you got it, bro. Me too. And me too, [00:22:00] to me, is like one of the best things somebody could say to you. So you're not alone. There is another side of this, though.
And it's always me being a victim. And so when I can step back and be curious as you teach and it's stuck and I'm still working on the habits. So how do you get people to that curiosity without the shame
Jeremy: and the guilt? Yeah, well, we can do, we can reframe this whole idea of shame. Like the shame isn't, isn't in and of itself bad.
Like the shame can be a check engine light. Yeah. Right. And so if we notice the shame, it can be a trigger. If we start to associate the The shame with, wait, I got to pop out. Wait, what is what's happening? You know? And so the shame almost becomes a check engine light. Do we can do this? If you start feeling angry, frustrated, shameful, where you want to throw guilt, you want to blame [00:23:00] someone you get, I mean, there's all these things.
If we start to re associate those emotions with this idea of a check engine light, the check engine light goes off in your car. And it's like, Hey, Jeremy, the brakes, the brakes, buddy, the brakes are bad. Check your brakes, right? Because hey, you're going to have an accident. Like it could be bad. Check your brakes, right?
The check engine light is trying to tell us something's up and we need to address the thing that's up or else something really bad could happen. And so if we can flip the script on the shame, we can take that, which was meant for evil. And turn it for good. That's good. And so that shame, like, that's why I, we talk about, you can either pick up shame or pick up curiosity.
And we're encouraging you to pick up curiosity, but you, you, you'll hear us talk about shame, not leading where you want and not, but it's, it's not that it's necessarily bad. The shame is a tool. Yeah, it can be a tool, like a trigger [00:24:00] for us to help us not go to avoid all the negativity. Oh, that results in living inside that shame, like living on under the, the, the weight of that shame, but the shame itself can be a trigger for us.
It can actually be, it's actually like, it can be a good thing when you experience it. Oh, why do I. Nope. Um, I'm going to own that thing and square up right to it. I'm going to tell the truth. I'm going to like, get curious about why I went off in that action again, you know, if you've got a gambling problem or whatever, and next thing you know, you, you, you go to get gas and you get done at the gas station and you bought a hundred dollars worth of Worth of the, the, um, things, you know, scratch offs.
Yeah, the scratch off, the powerball, whatever. Yeah, the lottery tickets. That's the lottery tickets. You buy a hundred bucks worth of lottery tickets. You get in the car and it's like that feeling will sink in right there in that moment. When [00:25:00] that shame first takes root, we have like, we can flip the script on that very moment and have it be something good for us.
I did. You take those back to the house, step on the counter. Hey, I did this. At the convenience store, I bought 100 bucks worth of these. I haven't scratched them yet. This isn't who I want to be. I recognized it, but I recognized it after the fact. So I recognize when I'm tired from work all day. Here's the things that occurred to me after I started asking myself some questions.
I started getting curious. I recognize I'm a bit weaker here when I'm on my drive home from work after a stressful day. Hey, is there something, Hey, and your wife maybe could say, or your buddy could say like, Oh, interesting. Is there something I could do to help? Maybe let's get on the phone on the drive home.
Maybe we use that time to check in about our day and help keep me on the straight and narrow during this time where I'm weakest. Dude, that's fully functioning community based, like not a calling out, but a calling up, not a ha ha. I got you calling you out, right? Oh, you did this again. No, no, no, no. [00:26:00] Calling up to who you say you want to be.
Yeah.
Barry: Everybody listen, this is life changing advice, calling up instead of calling out, which means I'm not going to call you out and make you feel shame, calling you up to be the bet, to be who you were actually designed to be putting people in your life, giving them permission to call you up and not being a victim
Jeremy: and getting clear on who it is that you say you want to be.
So this is an interesting point. I think it's often overlooked is that dude, I can't call Barry. I can't call you up. When I don't know who it is that you say you want to be, Oh Lord. So, but Barry's got to get clear on that version. Do Barry's got to get clear on who that person is. And then you've got to be able to clearly articulate that to me, your pal.
And then now we're in this like a team now, when I start seeing you act in a way, show up in a way, respond in a way that's countered to who you told me that you want to be. Now I can call you up, Hey bro. And sometimes [00:27:00] that reminder looks like a gentle thing. Like, Hey man, this isn't who you say you want to be.
Sometimes that reminder looks like me kicking you in the effing chest. Yeah, right. Sometimes it iron sharpening iron is not a gentle. What acts has ever been sharpened? That's gentle. None. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Heat pressure and sparks and material from the blade is removed. The file, which isn't, you don't snuggle a file.
No, you don't. And sometimes you're the file and sometimes you're the ax. I
Barry: love it. I was just sharpening an ax this weekend. Cause I was cutting wood. I love it.
Jeremy: Yeah. You just straighten the blade. We straighten the blade, remove material that isn't in alignment, in the correct angle, right? The axe has an angle that needs to be sharpened depending on what kind of axe.
A splitting maul is sharpened at a different angle than a, than a felling axe, right? And so depending on your, the, the tool that you're using. And the [00:28:00] job that tool is for depends on the angle to which you're sharpened, which depends on how much material needs to be removed. And then depends on the type of file that we use.
And we drag the file across the blade. It removes all the material that's not in that angle, that's not aligned with the purpose. Dude, there's so many analogies right here is bananas. It removes all the material that isn't in alignment with the purpose of the tool And then all of that material ends up on the floor But the instrument used to sharpen the axe is actually harder than the axe.
It's rougher. Oh, wow It's how you make wood smooth man a sandpaper He's not sweet stuff to it. Like you're good enough. You're strong enough.
Barry: You are, you are kicking me right in the soul right now. It's like, I said, Hey, at the end of rock, I'm like, Jeremy, this is who I want to be. And now you're reminding me of all these things that I'm like, okay, well, you're calling me up, look out, you know, I [00:29:00] got back and I meet with the guy, his name's Blake dials.
he asked me to mentor him a while ago. And so I sat with him and I'm like, man, I got some stuff to share with you. and, and I, and he's like, well, what do you got? And I'm like, I have been a victim and he looked at me like I had two heads. And, and he said, he goes, if I had a long list of words, that word would be somewhere way down the bottom.
And I'm like, well, that's because you don't really know everything. You know, the person that you see in front of you every Sunday or every other Sunday, I project
Jeremy: to
Barry: you. Yes. And I am that person, but I'm also all these things. And so we need to talk about this. Right. We need to talk about where I show up as a victim and what I'm currently going through if I'm going to really mentor you.
So it's, it's fun, but it's rough.
Jeremy: Yeah. And that's the thing [00:30:00] is like, but yeah, it's rough and it's tough and sometimes it's, sometimes it's gentle. We use different grit sandpaper for different things, right? We use rougher grit. Sandpaper has a purpose. The lighter grit has a purpose, like they're all used for different things.
And so like sometimes the sandpaper feels rougher. Sometimes it's a refinery experience, right? Where you, you show up for three days and it's just intense, right? It's just a very intense event that you're isolated from your family and from your work and from everything that's familiar to you for three days.
Sometime that looks, sometimes that looks like a quick phone call with a buddy. Who just sort of, who reminds you of who you are, who you say you want to be, or maybe he's reminding you of who God says that you are. Because when our view of ourselves is different than the view of who God says that we are, and we think that what we're saying about ourselves is true.
It's the pinnacle of narcissism like it that it's us saying, no, no, no, [00:31:00] no. I can see me more clearly than you can. God almighty. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Barry: Wow. That's heavy. I'll tell you,
Jeremy: man, we do it all the time, dude. I welcome to the club, right? So do I, it ends up being this thing. This endeavor in life of recognizing our failures, embracing them and keep moving, like move out, we stopped getting hung up on all the, it's really, really interesting, man.
The more this becomes like a part of your life, the less you get hung up on all the failures are falling short or, and, and the more you surround yourself with people that are doing the same thing, it's so fast to get over things. You know, like if something comes up with Skylar, for instance, Skylar Lewis, the founder of Rise Up Kings.
Yeah. Something comes up there and something will get brought out like, Hey man, I didn't show up great to this really. Hey, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You totally screwed the pooch on that one. Yeah. Right. Dude. Yeah. Sorry, man. I, I, I recognize now what happened [00:32:00] there. Like, cool. Yeah. And then we just keep moving. And it's like, it's done.
No one's sitting in it on either side, whether it, whether it's the offender or the offended, no one's sitting in it. It's like, it's. What do we're moving like the, the purpose that we have the vision for where we say we want to go is far more important than getting bogged down in the shame of the area where we fell short.
Barry: There's a, there's a really good book. And, and, I used to do strategic coach. I don't know if you've ever heard of it or not. But really great program. I mean, I, I've been for the last 10 or 15 years, you know, if, you know, I'm a, I'm a teacher facilitator coach, and I tell people, if you a, your, your business coach should have a business coach.
And if they're, if they don't, then that's called being a hypocrite, . And so I've had a business coach mentor for the last at least. 15 years, I think. I mean, it's been 15 years. I was in a peer group and all the things right. And so Dan Sullivan wrote a book called the gap in the game, [00:33:00] and it speaks to what you just said.
It's the gap living is. Measuring yourself to an ideal, the gain is measuring yourself looking backwards because progress can only be measured looking backwards and so you look at the past in the learning aspect, like a scientist in, you know, hmm. And then you say, okay, where did I, what, what did I learn?
And then you say, okay, well, how far did I actually come from where I was last quarter, we would call it. And when you look back, you're like, wow, I'm way past that. And I'll give you a real life example. if you'll hear my story, I grew up on government cheese, food stamps, and a single wide trailer with a 1.
5, six GPA from high school. Yeah, I had just enough advantages, [00:34:00] disadvantages to be successful. Right. My granddad, we just bought, we just bought a lake house. And which is the huge, like what a, I mean, I, I just am so proud. But he came there and I said, this is as much yours as it is anybody's. He's 90, he just turned 90 last week and Wow.
And he said, Sam, he calls me Sam, just so everybody knows Sam, I wish I had been able to give you more. And I said, Papa, you gave us just enough to be successful. And not too much to take
Jeremy: everything for granted
Barry: and to, and you'd be complacent. And, and I know he's proud and, and, and that is exactly the right.
So you, you measure progress looking backwards and you learn from it, but you don't feel guilt for him. And then the rest of the time, like we're moving forward now.
Jeremy: When we talk about that in the refinery, right? But there's one particular event where we look back and it's incredibly painful. And we, and you sit and you write for a bit [00:35:00] and you look back at the way in which you've shown up over your life.
Yeah. And then we, we present to you an opportunity to look forward and to forecast and to dream and to imagine looking forward. But then you get a reminder to keep your mind where your butt is. Right. We live now. Yeah. Yeah. We can't go back. And if our wife says it's really important to her for us to show up at, at, at 6 PM every day, because she wants to see you and wants you to be part of the family.
And like, and then you, you constantly mess that up and you're at home at 7 38 o'clock, you can't go back in the past. And show up on time. No. And you talking about how you're going to show up in the future, doesn't make you feel any better either. No. Your rear end showing up today at six. Yeah. Right when you say you were, maybe ten minutes early.
That is where we live and [00:36:00] that's what you can influence. Now we can plan for the future. We look back in the past to, to, to study and to be aware. But we live right now. And so that, that one particular experience that I'm referencing there. It's incredibly difficult for a lot of men to put 10 toes in the sand and look back and how they've been showing up.
Actually, it was for me, especially, especially in the context of how we do that. And then it's so very hopeful when we look forward to what it could be, like what our brain can imagine it being if we look into the future and then you get kind of what our hope is that you get brought back to. But you're here now.
Show up now.
Barry: You know, it's funny is 90 year old granddad. We were at his birthday last week and he had all these people and I'm thinking, man, if I could just write mine to be similar to that, I'll be fine. [00:37:00] Right. And, and they, people didn't show up just and tell him about like, he is who he says he is. And then there's the other thing that I, we had an experience there at Ruck and I literally, and this isn't me blaming my wife, this is blaming me.
I thought, did my wife write Jeremy a letter and tell,
Jeremy: and tell him. Can you specifically torture him in this exact way, please? Yeah.
Barry: I'm like, what, what? And I mean, it just, I'm like, she wrote him a letter. I was convinced and, it's so funny say this to the group, but it's really to him. That's what I, that's what I thought happened.
You know, the
Jeremy: conspiracy is that, is that the, um, is that the one where the, about the three inches,
Barry: that's the three inches, man. And you specifically, I'll tell you what you specifically said. And it won't give anything away. You said, and you think buying a vacation home is going to fix it. You said those words.
I don't know if you've ever said that before. And I'm like, we were [00:38:00] in the process. Of closing on our lake house. And I'm like, yeah, pretty much Jeremy, what do you want? What do you, what do you want? You know, I'm up already. Yeah. And so that was just, I'm like, yeah, you think that, no, that is not, that's a bonus, that's all great.
Right. But. Really just show up and, you know, stop dumping all this stuff on, on, on, on her specifically. And so that's too
Jeremy: easy to do, man. It's good, man. It's another one of those areas though. Like, honestly, if we, if we recognize when it's happening, instead of choosing into shame. We reckon, oh, there it goes again.
I just, that's another bag. Wow. Yeah. Just, and another one. Oh wow. Recognizing it, owning it. If we can't, if we can take it off of, take the bag off. Yeah. Sometimes we can't. Most of the time we can't. We recognize it too late. Yeah. And just owning that garbage. Here. This is how I did it. This is how, like, almost like [00:39:00] squaring up to her.
Yeah, this is, this is what happened. This is how I did it bearing our chest and like, we're gonna, we're gonna keep moving.
Barry: Yeah. You know, I could talk to you all day and you can give truth bombs all day. she's gonna edit this podcast and I love it because she's going to be like, yeah, Barry, I'm going to call you up from now on.
And I, and I welcome it. I really do. So I, I, I feel like I need to have you back because there's so many things that I know you could share that help men and entrepreneurs. And, but I will say this, if you are an entrepreneur and, and, and you, um, are, are wanting to go from really good to great, I think you should reach out to rise up Kings and Jeremy.
And, but if you're, if you're not about it, don't, we don't. He doesn't play around. Just trust me. So yeah, it's going to hurt level up and, but you will not regret it. So Jeremy, it has been an absolute pleasure to [00:40:00] have you on the show. Um, I really appreciate you.
Jeremy: Barry, my absolute pleasure, man. And listen, your listeners or whoever, Jeremy at riseupkings.
com, reach out to me directly. So J E R E M Y at riseupkings. com. Hit me up on an email. if you're interested in going to rock, we can talk that through too. If you're interested in the experience that Barry had, we can, we can talk that experience through and we can do your interview literally over the phone.
You and I, whoever this is. And, or if you just have. Duff you, man, send me an email. Yeah, absolutely. If you want to talk through man, shoot me an email.
Barry: The email being the show nuts as well. So man, really appreciate you, sir.
Jeremy: Yeah, my pleasure.
